I'm Gonna Miss This..

I am having a weird week. Each day I mark my calendar days off with a heavy heart. It's my last semester at Harding. I am sick of curfew and being punished for having a job. But I've grown here. I'm not the same as when I arrived. I have a lot right now. Apartment preparation, transferring, school work, studying, go to work! Rely on Him.At the end of every week, I feel relief and freedom to breathe. And then the week starts and begins school & work closes in on my days.

As I was driving home one night this week, I had a fleeting thought. I didn't even mean to think it, it just passed through. Maybe they're right. Maybe it's silly to believe. I almost drove off the road. And that's when I understood how serious it is to take care of my soul.

I sat in church on Sunday evening and it felt like relief when my soul moved. It had been still for so long, quiet and cold. Sometimes, I forget to fight for it. But sitting there, while voices sang to my God, my soul's prayers grew and grew. Boom, baby! His grace is always, always enough.

A few more thoughts because that's all I have lately. This past weekend I figured a lot out in that little car of mine. I drove. And at the end of the road, a good friend was waiting for me. It felt right just being with him. I am worried I was too quiet.. And worried that I talk too much about myself. I am so grateful for him and the wise things he says to me when I'm tired. I love you.

Sometimes my bad attitude toward men flares up and it's hard for me not to silently rant at them all in my heart. And then I have moments of deep gratitude because the two boys that I have managed to love have changed my life. It's been a lot of falling though. That's that life is lately. Falling in and out of love. Isn't that what we're after? Spend time together. Learn to care for one another. And then we'll decide it won't work and start over with someone new. Really, it all makes me very tired and very sad. The way we do life sometimes...seems a little anti-life.

I need to go get ready for work. Let me rephrase that. I NEED to write a paper and study. I HAVE to go to work.

I love it. I love it. I love it. Click HERE! (ignore the stupid lyric youtube video. I hate these things, but there isn't an official video for this one.)