I started this thinga-muh-jig for a class, but I love writing.. (Rambling).. So I figured hey! I could continue to blog about my super uneventful life. WOO.
I've actually had a wonderful summer. :) I spent two weeks with my Harding roomie. She got me on my very first airplane! Then, as soon as I flew into Pittsburgh...she surprised me with a trip to Washington DC! We had tons of adventures: getting chased in Bethesda, Maryland...riding segways, and getting lost in Chinatown. I'm super blessed to have Krysten in my life.
Ever since then, my days have been filled with cafe' shifts,and spending time with my best friends. I don't recall any sleeping happening this summer though. Sleep isn't on my list of things to-do. And I am a stickler when it comes to my to-do lists.
A few days ago, my dear friend Mercedes got married. We would always talk about falling in love with the boy who would love the Lord first, and love us second. We wanted things that way. And she found him. Oh, what a beautiful wedding! Love is crazy. Of course my mind spins through the entire wedding.
Love is something you can't sit away from. It's enough to fill you. Dangerous enough to change you. Expectations that can swallow you whole. A bench in the middle of life's roars. The real kind anyway. A lot of my friends think they're in love, but I believe that most of them have no clue. God has a plan for us all -- Jeremiah 29:11. All relationships should be built on him. If it doesn't start out that way, then you're more than likely in trouble from the get-go. I'm really naive though. I've got a lot to learn.
Anyway, I'm sick of this summer business. It's like 1,000,000 degrees in this Arkansas heat. I also have been Harding-sick. My friends are really far away from me. Harding has been such a blessing to me. So many encouraging people. And did I mention my club -- Regina? Love those girls. I'm tired of going to church alone. I never knew how sad that was. It makes me miss too many services, and that is the stupidest excuse ever. Harding is filled with people who struggle -- just like I do. Struggle every second to pick up our crosses and follow Him. I'm far from perfect. Making stupid decisions is what I'm best at. But I want to get better. Every day should be about improving, right? Right. That's what I'm aiming for. Seeking Him -- more. Harding blessed me with friends that understand that. I can't wait for classes to begin..even if I will be at another school. I'll be back at Harding in a short period of time.
I believe I've rambled enough for now. :) Time to go pretend I'm good at guitar or making a midnight trip to somewhere that's pointless. Love!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thankful..
I am thankful for...
by Nancie J. Carmody
...the mess to clean up after a party
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
...the taxes I pay
because it means that I'm employed.
...the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means I have enough to eat.
...my shadow who watches me work
because it means I am out in the sunshine.
...the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking.
...all the complaining I hear about our government
because it means we have freedom of speech.
...that lady behind me in church who sings off key
because it means that I can hear.
...lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing
because it means I have a home.
...my huge heating bill
because it means that I am warm.
...weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means that I have been productive.
...the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours
because it means that I am alive.
by Nancie J. Carmody
...the mess to clean up after a party
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
...the taxes I pay
because it means that I'm employed.
...the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means I have enough to eat.
...my shadow who watches me work
because it means I am out in the sunshine.
...the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking.
...all the complaining I hear about our government
because it means we have freedom of speech.
...that lady behind me in church who sings off key
because it means that I can hear.
...lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing
because it means I have a home.
...my huge heating bill
because it means that I am warm.
...weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means that I have been productive.
...the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours
because it means that I am alive.
Monday, July 18, 2011
How To Be Alone
If you are at first lonely, be patient.
If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.
We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.
There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.
Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.
And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.
Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.
The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.
Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.
When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and Silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.
Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings.
Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself.
Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile nobody is dating them.
But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.
You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.
But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those “sappy slogans” from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.
Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.
It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.
Take silence and respect it.
If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.
You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.
If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.
-- Tanya Davis
If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.
We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.
There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.
Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.
And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.
Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.
The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.
Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.
When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and Silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.
Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings.
Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself.
Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile nobody is dating them.
But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.
You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.
But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those “sappy slogans” from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.
Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.
It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.
Take silence and respect it.
If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.
You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.
If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.
-- Tanya Davis
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday Mornings, Friends, and Time.
Oh, man! Where do I begin? Time keeps flying by! I can't even believe it's April already.
Last weekend I had the privilege of spending time with my two best friends-- Kayla and Emma. My sweet Kayla will be married in Kentucky this summer. She moved away from us the summer before high school began. I'm blessed to still have her in my life. It's been about 5 years.. And time hasn't changed anything. We spent the weekend together. Got our bridesmaid dresses and other things for the wedding. And in June, I'll be heading to Kentucky for a week! Emma and I have a pretty big and embarrassing bachelorette party to plan also. :)
I got my apartment!! *happy dance* There was actually a change of plans, though. I will be living with Emma -- who happens to be my longest best friend. She's basically my sister. Ad then Victoria in January. The apartment is wonderful...and I move in May 7th!
School is going well. I'm pretty much caught up. I have a little Bible homework to take care of, but that's the extent of it. 20 days! I smell and feel Summer already and it makes me smile.
My days have been so busy lately. I'm not even sure what I've had going on. I have been preparing for moving out mostly. My family is magnificent and they keep giving me dishes, pots & pans, and lamps. So. Many. Lamps.
I went by the community college that I'll be transferring to in the Fall. They weren't helpful or nice; however, I don't need people to get things done. I'm all registered for my Fall classes -- none of which I'm terribly excited about. My schedule is realllyyyy good though. I'm hardly in class at all. That's a big change from Harding. I live in the classroom. Guess this will make more time for me to work.
Today was good. I woke up and lazed in bed for an hour, I was up early and I decided to drive to the coffee shop with the largest windows. And God was so good to me, I read Isaiah 60 and I couldn't stop reading it. Those first five verses, over and over. I have this thing for light. And lately I am so aware of my dark.
God is ridiculously good to me. I don't deserve any of it. And sometimes I forget to be grateful. But when it hits me, rushes at my eyes and takes over my heart, I can not help but to adore Him. Adore, adore, adore.
Afterwards, I headed to an old friend's house. I made lemonade while he picked at his guitar. We sat out on his deck and talked about life. Worries, struggles, past, present, future. We laughed until it hurt. Then, like the mature adults that we are, I shot him with a water gun until he chased me with a garden hose. I have wonderful people in my life.
And even though I have to leave Harding, my roommate, my suitemates, and my Regina sisters, I know that He will take care of me. He has plans for me somewhere else. And who am I to question Him?
Have a fabulous week.
..This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10
Last weekend I had the privilege of spending time with my two best friends-- Kayla and Emma. My sweet Kayla will be married in Kentucky this summer. She moved away from us the summer before high school began. I'm blessed to still have her in my life. It's been about 5 years.. And time hasn't changed anything. We spent the weekend together. Got our bridesmaid dresses and other things for the wedding. And in June, I'll be heading to Kentucky for a week! Emma and I have a pretty big and embarrassing bachelorette party to plan also. :)
I got my apartment!! *happy dance* There was actually a change of plans, though. I will be living with Emma -- who happens to be my longest best friend. She's basically my sister. Ad then Victoria in January. The apartment is wonderful...and I move in May 7th!
School is going well. I'm pretty much caught up. I have a little Bible homework to take care of, but that's the extent of it. 20 days! I smell and feel Summer already and it makes me smile.
My days have been so busy lately. I'm not even sure what I've had going on. I have been preparing for moving out mostly. My family is magnificent and they keep giving me dishes, pots & pans, and lamps. So. Many. Lamps.
I went by the community college that I'll be transferring to in the Fall. They weren't helpful or nice; however, I don't need people to get things done. I'm all registered for my Fall classes -- none of which I'm terribly excited about. My schedule is realllyyyy good though. I'm hardly in class at all. That's a big change from Harding. I live in the classroom. Guess this will make more time for me to work.
Today was good. I woke up and lazed in bed for an hour, I was up early and I decided to drive to the coffee shop with the largest windows. And God was so good to me, I read Isaiah 60 and I couldn't stop reading it. Those first five verses, over and over. I have this thing for light. And lately I am so aware of my dark.
God is ridiculously good to me. I don't deserve any of it. And sometimes I forget to be grateful. But when it hits me, rushes at my eyes and takes over my heart, I can not help but to adore Him. Adore, adore, adore.
Afterwards, I headed to an old friend's house. I made lemonade while he picked at his guitar. We sat out on his deck and talked about life. Worries, struggles, past, present, future. We laughed until it hurt. Then, like the mature adults that we are, I shot him with a water gun until he chased me with a garden hose. I have wonderful people in my life.
And even though I have to leave Harding, my roommate, my suitemates, and my Regina sisters, I know that He will take care of me. He has plans for me somewhere else. And who am I to question Him?
Have a fabulous week.
..This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I'm Gonna Miss This..
I am having a weird week. Each day I mark my calendar days off with a heavy heart. It's my last semester at Harding. I am sick of curfew and being punished for having a job. But I've grown here. I'm not the same as when I arrived. I have a lot right now. Apartment preparation, transferring, school work, studying, go to work! Rely on Him.At the end of every week, I feel relief and freedom to breathe. And then the week starts and begins school & work closes in on my days.
As I was driving home one night this week, I had a fleeting thought. I didn't even mean to think it, it just passed through. Maybe they're right. Maybe it's silly to believe. I almost drove off the road. And that's when I understood how serious it is to take care of my soul.
I sat in church on Sunday evening and it felt like relief when my soul moved. It had been still for so long, quiet and cold. Sometimes, I forget to fight for it. But sitting there, while voices sang to my God, my soul's prayers grew and grew. Boom, baby! His grace is always, always enough.
A few more thoughts because that's all I have lately. This past weekend I figured a lot out in that little car of mine. I drove. And at the end of the road, a good friend was waiting for me. It felt right just being with him. I am worried I was too quiet.. And worried that I talk too much about myself. I am so grateful for him and the wise things he says to me when I'm tired. I love you.
Sometimes my bad attitude toward men flares up and it's hard for me not to silently rant at them all in my heart. And then I have moments of deep gratitude because the two boys that I have managed to love have changed my life. It's been a lot of falling though. That's that life is lately. Falling in and out of love. Isn't that what we're after? Spend time together. Learn to care for one another. And then we'll decide it won't work and start over with someone new. Really, it all makes me very tired and very sad. The way we do life sometimes...seems a little anti-life.
I need to go get ready for work. Let me rephrase that. I NEED to write a paper and study. I HAVE to go to work.
I love it. I love it. I love it. Click HERE! (ignore the stupid lyric youtube video. I hate these things, but there isn't an official video for this one.)
As I was driving home one night this week, I had a fleeting thought. I didn't even mean to think it, it just passed through. Maybe they're right. Maybe it's silly to believe. I almost drove off the road. And that's when I understood how serious it is to take care of my soul.
I sat in church on Sunday evening and it felt like relief when my soul moved. It had been still for so long, quiet and cold. Sometimes, I forget to fight for it. But sitting there, while voices sang to my God, my soul's prayers grew and grew. Boom, baby! His grace is always, always enough.
A few more thoughts because that's all I have lately. This past weekend I figured a lot out in that little car of mine. I drove. And at the end of the road, a good friend was waiting for me. It felt right just being with him. I am worried I was too quiet.. And worried that I talk too much about myself. I am so grateful for him and the wise things he says to me when I'm tired. I love you.
Sometimes my bad attitude toward men flares up and it's hard for me not to silently rant at them all in my heart. And then I have moments of deep gratitude because the two boys that I have managed to love have changed my life. It's been a lot of falling though. That's that life is lately. Falling in and out of love. Isn't that what we're after? Spend time together. Learn to care for one another. And then we'll decide it won't work and start over with someone new. Really, it all makes me very tired and very sad. The way we do life sometimes...seems a little anti-life.
I need to go get ready for work. Let me rephrase that. I NEED to write a paper and study. I HAVE to go to work.
I love it. I love it. I love it. Click HERE! (ignore the stupid lyric youtube video. I hate these things, but there isn't an official video for this one.)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
House Sitting and 8 Weeks of School Left
Everyone needs The Smiths in their life. Just click it. (Literally..click the word it.)
School is back in session. Ugh. It pains me to type that. I literally have a countdown on my phone. May 13th will be my day of freedom. This is what happened in education class today:
Dr. Downing: I hope everyone had a good spring break. Is anyone ready for summer? Does anyone have any idea how many weeks we have left? I meant to look before I came to class.
Class: *Silence*
Me: EIGHT. WEEKS.
Class: *laughter*
Yeah, I'm "that guy" today. haha.. I'll take it. I want summertime. I want warm weather. I need time to figure things out.
When June rolls around, I am packing my bags for Sunnyville Somewhere, USA. I have a spot in mind...with a pretty good friend. :) Heading to a place that's only sunny by the oceanside -- a place that can only be happy. Oh, summer. Do I have plans for you. Such plans.
"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand. To have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned."
I'm praying for things to work out. Change isn't something that I'm fond of. I hate letting go of things. It's so hard to let go. I keep telling myself to let go. LET. GO. KATEY. But God is good to me, He is better than I deserve even on my non melt down days. And even if I end up serving coffee in a shop in the middle of cornfields, He'll still think I'm something great.
Anyway, I need to campout with a pot of coffee and write papers for my education class. I am out of the dorms this week. I must admit that it's pretty wonderful. I love being in a house. LOVE. I have much less distractions here. *sigh* Tomorrow will be good to me, I'm sure of it.
And did you know, there's something promising about tomorrows. Something really great about them.
School is back in session. Ugh. It pains me to type that. I literally have a countdown on my phone. May 13th will be my day of freedom. This is what happened in education class today:
Dr. Downing: I hope everyone had a good spring break. Is anyone ready for summer? Does anyone have any idea how many weeks we have left? I meant to look before I came to class.
Class: *Silence*
Me: EIGHT. WEEKS.
Class: *laughter*
Yeah, I'm "that guy" today. haha.. I'll take it. I want summertime. I want warm weather. I need time to figure things out.
When June rolls around, I am packing my bags for Sunnyville Somewhere, USA. I have a spot in mind...with a pretty good friend. :) Heading to a place that's only sunny by the oceanside -- a place that can only be happy. Oh, summer. Do I have plans for you. Such plans.
"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand. To have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned."
I'm praying for things to work out. Change isn't something that I'm fond of. I hate letting go of things. It's so hard to let go. I keep telling myself to let go. LET. GO. KATEY. But God is good to me, He is better than I deserve even on my non melt down days. And even if I end up serving coffee in a shop in the middle of cornfields, He'll still think I'm something great.
Anyway, I need to campout with a pot of coffee and write papers for my education class. I am out of the dorms this week. I must admit that it's pretty wonderful. I love being in a house. LOVE. I have much less distractions here. *sigh* Tomorrow will be good to me, I'm sure of it.
And did you know, there's something promising about tomorrows. Something really great about them.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Spring Break 2011
I really wish I had more interesting stories to tell about my spring break. However, I don't. And this is the naked truth.
I started my Friday off with one of my very best friends from work. He works every night of his life...so I waited for him to have his break for the night. We had dinner and talked about our latest issues in life. I love catching up with friends. Then, I'm ashamed to admit this, we listened to old Roy D. Mercer clips from YouTube. I cannot quit laughing just thinking about it. While growing up, my daddy used to play a cassette tape of his in his old pickup truck. We both had a good time laughing 'till it hurt. It was a good Friday.
On Saturday, I closed the cafe.. I really do like my job. After work, I went and had girl time with my sweet friend Jaimi. She and I basically told our life stories to each other. Tears. Tears. Tears. Life is so hard. It's cruel, and shows no mercy. Before the night was up, Jaimi and I decided that we were answered prayers for one another. I need a roommate. She needs a roommate. We need an apartment.
The rest of my days have been filled with praying really hard, and apartment hunting. There will be three girls in the apartment: Jaimi, Victoria, and myself. And the best option is pretty clear.. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm nervous. This wasn't what I had planned. I know that God has his own plan for me. And each day I pray for his will -- not mine -- to be done.
I had the urge to drive somewhere substantially far away this afternoon. To drive to mountains or water or tall trees. I needed to feel in awe. So I drove.
And as I drove I thought. And prayed to Him. I know it sounds silly, but a friend and I once decided that we feel inadequate. I'm sure that's a problem with most everyone at some point. The problem is, I do not know how to be anything different. Large crowds of people make me want to slide under the table and stay there. And small crowds too. The awkwardness is too loud. And there's something charming about old cartoons and old movies, and old things in general. I do not like books on a screen. I do not like them Sam I Am. I do not know how to not feel guilty about sleeping. I am the type of girl who would usually rather stay in than go out, hates 3D anything (don't get me started), and gets creepy marriage offers at work instead of dates like a normal human being. (I guess the creeps don't realize dating comes first.) I worry about being a cat lady, and growing old alone. Who will I give my husband book to..? (I'll explain that one later.)
And as I drove He told me that I was being silly. God told me not to fret. Isaiah 41:10. He told me, Katey, you are who I made you to be and I delight in you. So keep growing, but do not erase yourself. Do not blend and disappear. I have a use for everyone. Even the cat ladies.
I have prayed. I have found an apartment. And I know God will take care of me. I am so blessed.
I started my Friday off with one of my very best friends from work. He works every night of his life...so I waited for him to have his break for the night. We had dinner and talked about our latest issues in life. I love catching up with friends. Then, I'm ashamed to admit this, we listened to old Roy D. Mercer clips from YouTube. I cannot quit laughing just thinking about it. While growing up, my daddy used to play a cassette tape of his in his old pickup truck. We both had a good time laughing 'till it hurt. It was a good Friday.
On Saturday, I closed the cafe.. I really do like my job. After work, I went and had girl time with my sweet friend Jaimi. She and I basically told our life stories to each other. Tears. Tears. Tears. Life is so hard. It's cruel, and shows no mercy. Before the night was up, Jaimi and I decided that we were answered prayers for one another. I need a roommate. She needs a roommate. We need an apartment.
The rest of my days have been filled with praying really hard, and apartment hunting. There will be three girls in the apartment: Jaimi, Victoria, and myself. And the best option is pretty clear.. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm nervous. This wasn't what I had planned. I know that God has his own plan for me. And each day I pray for his will -- not mine -- to be done.
I had the urge to drive somewhere substantially far away this afternoon. To drive to mountains or water or tall trees. I needed to feel in awe. So I drove.
And as I drove I thought. And prayed to Him. I know it sounds silly, but a friend and I once decided that we feel inadequate. I'm sure that's a problem with most everyone at some point. The problem is, I do not know how to be anything different. Large crowds of people make me want to slide under the table and stay there. And small crowds too. The awkwardness is too loud. And there's something charming about old cartoons and old movies, and old things in general. I do not like books on a screen. I do not like them Sam I Am. I do not know how to not feel guilty about sleeping. I am the type of girl who would usually rather stay in than go out, hates 3D anything (don't get me started), and gets creepy marriage offers at work instead of dates like a normal human being. (I guess the creeps don't realize dating comes first.) I worry about being a cat lady, and growing old alone. Who will I give my husband book to..? (I'll explain that one later.)
And as I drove He told me that I was being silly. God told me not to fret. Isaiah 41:10. He told me, Katey, you are who I made you to be and I delight in you. So keep growing, but do not erase yourself. Do not blend and disappear. I have a use for everyone. Even the cat ladies.
I have prayed. I have found an apartment. And I know God will take care of me. I am so blessed.
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